On Thanksgiving Day 1996 in New York City, six friends got together for a friendly game of football.  But what started as just a friendly game quickly turned into an intensely competitive battle for the coveted Geller Cup in front of millions of television viewers.  I am, of course, referring to the Friends Season 3 episode, The One With All the Football.

In one of my early blog posts back in April, I provided an unnecessarily detailed breakdown of the basketball game from The Office.  (You can find that here.)  With that in mind, I have decided to once again combine one of my favorite TV shows with my interest in sports.  With this week being Thanksgiving, and in celebration of the time-honored tradition of Thanksgiving football, I now present an unnecessarily detailed breakdown of the Friends Thanksgiving football game.

During this recap, I will provide some background on the episode, but focus mostly on the actual game.  Since you’ve read this far, I assume that if you haven’t seen the show, you don’t care about reading any spoilers.  Now that I have that out of the way, Friends was well-known for having special Thanksgiving episodes each year.  This episode aired in the fall of 1996, during Season 3, while Ross and Rachel were dating.  It starts with the gang together in Monica and Rachel’s apartment on Thanksgiving, watching the New York Giants game, which is weird because the Giants did not play on Thanksgiving that year.  (This must have been pre-recorded footage from the Giants-Vikings game on September 29, 1996.)  At halftime, Joey suggests that they go outside, throw the old pigskin around, and get a little 3-on-3 going.  This leads Monica and Ross to reveal that they were not allowed to play football.  As the story goes, they had played an annual touch football game as a family growing up, with the winner getting the Geller Cup.  However, an incident from their final game resulted in a broken nose for Ross, the Geller Cup being thrown into the lake, and the two of them being forbidden to ever play football again. As they were now adults, they decide that it would be fine for them to play again, and the game of 3-on-3 in the nearby park was on.

With Monica and Ross as captains, Monica chooses Joey with the first pick, and Ross picks Chandler over his own girlfriend Rachel.  Then after Monica picks Phoebe (who had never played football in her life), Ross is left with Rachel.  Or as Rachel puts it, “You don’t pick me, you’re stuck with me!”  This sets up what was to be a 28-minute game between Team Monica (with Monica, Joey, and Phoebe) vs. Team Ross (with Ross, Chandler, and Rachel).

The game starts with the opening kickoff as Ross holds the ball comically high off his foot (a kicking formation never attempted before or since) and Chandler accidentally kicks Ross’s foot instead of the ball.  This leads to an immediate rule change – kickoffs would be conducted by simply throwing the ball to the other team.  Joey catches the opening “kickoff” and returns it all 10 (maybe 15) yards for a touchdown on the ridiculously small field.  Monica proudly proclaims the score 7-0, so I guess we’re not doing extra points either, and touchdowns count for an automatic 7 points instead of 6.

On Team Ross’s first possession, Chandler is the starting quarterback, but Ross insists they go shotgun, as he is not comfortable with the proximity of Chandler’s hands under center.  The first play is an incomplete pass to Rachel, who appears to be completely incompetent as a receiver.  Ross tells her to just go long on the next play, which would be a theme throughout the rest of the game.  We don’t see what actually happens on the next play, or for the rest of the possession for that matter.  This leads to an annoying sequence of several times the episode skips ahead during the game.  This leaves me to have to take some liberties and make some guesses, as you will see in the rest of this breakdown.

Next, we are taken to a sequence with Team Monica in possession.  Monica throws an incomplete pass intended for Joey.  The ball rolls to a by-stander named Margha, whom both Joey and Chandler become instantly attracted to, and the episode takes a break from the game to introduce this storyline as they compete for her attention.  Meanwhile, Monica and Ross argue over whether it’s 2^nd or 3^rd down.  Afterward, Chandler ends up with the ball to re-start the game.  This makes no sense, because Team Monica should still have possession.  But back to the game…

On the next play we see, Ross pitches the ball to Chandler, who fumbles.  Joey scoops up the fumble, and Chandler rips his jersey in half, leading to another brief argument.  On the next play, Team Monica has possession with time running out.  Although we have only been shown one score so far, the game is tied, but they do not announce the score.  This really grinds my gears, as they should have shown all scoring plays, and I want to know the exact score.  When we watch a real football game on TV, they always show you the score on the bottom of the screen.  Of course, I don’t think they did that back in 1996, and certainly not on sitcoms.  As we can later deduce, the score must be either 7-7 or 14-14.  I’m just going to guess it’s 14-14 and go with it.  At any rate, Monica throws a touchdown pass to Phoebe, but this touchdown is disputed, as Monica’s cooking timer may or may not have buzzed before the snap.  As replay review was not available in 1996 (and would not have been used in a “friendly” game in the park anyway), the result of this debate was that the touchdown did not count, the score was still tied, and it was halftime.  Ross wants to quit and asks why they would want to keep playing, at which point we are taken back to the apartment, where Monica brings out a troll doll nailed to a 2 by 4, which apparently is the Geller Cup.  Monica, having swam in the lake to retrieve it twelve years earlier, had kept it this whole time, and now the winner of the game would win the Geller Cup.  Things were just getting started.

Back in the park, the gang starts the 2^nd half with a bit more intensity.  As part of an agreement with Joey to make Chandler look bad in front of Margha, Monica full-on tackles Chandler on the opening play.  This leads to another rule change, as what had previously been a touch football game became tackle football.  We then see a montage of unnecessary roughness, starting with Monica throwing a touchdown pass to Joey, and Chandler tackling him well after the play.  Next, Joey’s pass intended for Monica is intercepted by Ross after he pantses her during the pass.  Although this is blatant pass interference, there is an incompetent lack of officiating in this game, and Ross returns the interception for a touchdown.  Then we see Ross catch a pass from Chandler, only to be “tackled” by Phoebe, or more accurately, wrapped up in a comically bizarre spinning, yelling hug.  Finally, we see Phoebe take a handoff and clothesline Chandler (on another missed penalty) on her way to a touchdown.

At this point, if we presume the halftime score to have been 14-14 as I have previously speculated, then the montage shown here leads us to believe 28-21 in favor of Team Monica.  Monica then proclaims, “42-21, like the turkey, Ross is done!”  So, apparently there were two additional two 2^nd half scores from Team Monica that were not shown.  After another argument ensues between her and Ross, Monica gets cocky and agrees to trade Joey for Rachel, confident that her team will still win.  This creates a classic “guys against the girls” situation, but with Team Monica holding a three-touchdown lead.  We then have to fast-forward a bit to get to more football as other storylines resolve themselves.

As the game resumes, Phoebe…shall we say…inappropriately distracts Chandler, takes the ball from him and returns it the other way for a touchdown.  This is now Chandler’s 2^nd fumble of the game, and by my count, Team Monica now leads 49-21.  We then see Joey return the ball for a touchdown on an ensuing play as all three defenders climb on his back, unable to stop him.  This should cut the deficit to 49-28.  Next, Phoebe attempts to inappropriately distract Chandler again, but Chandler covers his eyes on the way to another touchdown and falls over a bush in the end zone, cutting the deficit to 49-35.  We are then taken to the end of the game, and with 1:30 remaining on the timer, Team Monica has possession, but Team Ross holds a two-point lead.  (Wait a minute, how did that happen?  We missed more scoring?  And with a two-point margin, there must have been a safety involved?)  Based on the information presented to us, I’m going to say that the current score is 51-49 in favor of Team Ross.

Rachel, who until this point has been used entirely as a decoy, convinces Monica to let her be more involved and throw the ball.  As Rachel drops back to pass, all three defenders chase her, and instead of throwing to a wide-open Phoebe, she runs behind the swings, outside the fence, comes back in the other entrance, and drills Monica in the face with a pass from two feet away.  It appears that this should have been ruled as another safety, based on where she ran out of bounds.  However, as this is the most horribly officiated football game of all-time, this simply went down as an incomplete pass, since they got to keep the ball at the original line of scrimmage for one final play.  Also, even if we say that Rachel was inbounds the whole time and we rule this an incomplete pass, then Rachel should have been called for a penalty for throwing it after crossing the line of scrimmage.  Again, the most horribly officiated football game of all time.

With 30 seconds left on the timer, this sets up the last play of the game, which has to go down as one of the most controversial finishes ever.  As the scene shifts to slow-motion and Monica drops back to pass, we see both Chandler and Joey mugging Phoebe in the most obvious display of pass interference ever, with no call.  With Ross bearing down on her for a potential sack, Monica has no choice but to throw it downfield to Rachel.  Miraculously, Rachel catches it!  Team Monica has won!  In her excitement, Rachel spikes the ball as her team celebrates.  However, Chandler points out that the pole which serves as the goal line was five feet away, so the touchdown doesn’t count.  Team Ross has won!  Then, when Phoebe points out that the play is still going, Monica and Ross both dive for the ball in the end zone, with both of them coming up with it and trying to wrestle it away from each other.  The outcome of the game is then left in some ambiguity, as whoever comes up with the ball supposedly wins, with neither sibling conceding.  As we are not left with a clear winner, I will need to come back to this later and issue my own ruling.

As the episode concludes, four of the friends back in the apartment enjoying Thanksgiving dinner together.  Meanwhile, Monica and Ross are outside in the dark, still wrestling for the ball as it starts to snow.  In one final scene (not shown in the above clip), the two of them eventually come inside, agree to call it a tie, and throw the Geller Cup down the garbage chute.  However, Phoebe then retrieves it for Monica as they proclaim themselves the winners.  So, while it appears that the game is officially considered a tie (despite the final score of either 51-49 or 56-51, neither of which are a tie), Monica probably still has the Geller Cup (even though we never see it or hear about it again).

Given the unsatisfying, ambiguous result, I have to re-visit the end of the game, declare myself the replay official 24 years after the fact, and issue a ruling.  The outcome of the game cannot be a tie, as the score was 51-49 going into the final play, and we have to determine the result of the final play to declare the winner.  So, after Googling the official NFL rules on fumbles, here is the ruling:

(Referee walks to the middle of the field and turns on microphone.)  “After reviewing the play, we have a completed pass to Rachel, who then fumbled the ball while short of the goal line.  The ball was simultaneously recovered in the end zone by both the offense and defense.  Simultaneous possession goes to the offense.  However, this play occurred during the final two minutes of the game.  Therefore, by rule, the fumbling player (Rachel) has to be the one to recover the fumble in the end zone in order for the play to result in a touchdown.  Because the fumble was recovered by a teammate (Monica), the offense keeps possession, but the ball goes back to the spot of the fumble, 5 feet short of the goal line.  Time has expired, and the game is over.  Team Ross wins the game, 51-49.”  (Referee turns off microphone and runs off the field as a cascade of both cheers and boos rains down from the stands.)

Well, there you have it.  The final Geller Bowl is hereby decided by an oddly specific rule which none of the characters in this show would have possibly known.  In fact, as big of a football fan as I am, I wasn’t even up on that rule myself until researching it to write this, so I’m pretty outraged by my own ruling.  In the spirit of sportsmanship, the gang could have let Rachel have her touchdown. And even if not, I would have thought that Monica could recover the fumble for the touchdown.  But apparently not, according to NFL Rule 8, Section 7, Article 6, which can found here. I would also want to go back and call pass interference on both Chandler and Joey, but that part isn’t reviewable.  So, there’s my ruling.  24 years later, Team Ross is the winner.  Monica, if you still have the Geller Cup, you have to give it back to Ross.  Thank you, I have spoken.

So, what came of all this?  To my knowledge, we did not see any lingering effects of this game in future episodes.  And although the friends talked about playing football again someday, we never see any of them play again.  It’s such a shame too, because I would have liked to see how far they could have gone if they had teamed up together as one team in a football tournament.  In fact, to further analyze this in unnecessary detail, if I’m drafting my own football team, here’s who I would want, in order:

1. Joey.  Pros: Natural athlete. Scored at least 3 touchdowns. Cons: Easily distracted by “the Dutch girl.”
2. Monica.  Pros: Fiery and competitive.  (Would like to see her mix it up with The Office‘s Dwight Schrute in a TV tournament.)  Good quarterback (3-for-4 passing, 2 TD, 0 INT).  Cons: Too cocky; gave away a sure win by making the worst trade ever. Intensity might lead to penalties in actual games.
3. Ross.  Pros: Also fiery and competitive.  Cons: Poor instincts; faked out by Joey too easily. Not a great teammate. Allows his sister to get in his head.
4. Phoebe.  Pros: Enthusiastic; team player.  Cons: Completely new to football; still a lot to learn. Poor tackling technique.
5. Chandler.  Pros: Better than Rachel.  Cons: Ball security (2 fumbles). Clumsiness (kicks Ross’s foot instead of the ball, misses easy interception, falls over bush). Easily distracted by “the Dutch girl.”
6. Rachel.  Pros: She did make one catch.  Cons: Everything else.

Sadly, since this is the only football game we will ever see the Friends gang play, I guess this episode will have to do.  They would, however, go on to entertain us for a total of ten seasons, each of which featured a classic Thanksgiving episode.  If you’re watching Thanksgiving football this Thursday between a pair of losing teams and the games are boring, perhaps you’ll want to pop in that Season 3 DVD, re-live the excitement from The One With All the Football, and see how this analysis stacks up.  Perhaps get a little 3-on-3 going yourself.  Although, that might be hard to do with social distancing.  So, maybe just watch the episode, re-live the excitement, and be thankful for football (as well as all the actual important stuff).  I hope you enjoyed my unnecessarily detailed recap.  Until next time, this is Ryan, wishing you a good Thanksgiving.

“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie, or Friday with no two pizzas.” –Joey Tribbiani