In an alternate timeline where everything had remained normal this year, the sports world would currently be enjoying the opening weekend of the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo.  Although the games have not been cancelled at this point, but rather postponed until 2021 (hopefully that is still able to happen), these Olympics were supposed to be taking place right now. And although baseball is now back with its empty stadiums and piped-in crowd noise, it’s not quite the same. We’re still missing the swimming, track and field, gymnastics, beach volleyball, table tennis, and all the other sports we pay attention to every four years because NBC tells us to. Fortunately, I still can still watch some version of the Olympics, since I have The Office Season 2 on DVD, which contains the episode Office Olympics.

I would like to take this time to give you a recap of the 2005 Dunder Mifflin Office Olympic Games, and give you ideas for incorporating these games into your own home or office. Although I’m guessing that playing these games at the office right now would not be appropriate, due to social distancing guidelines, as well as the fact that few people are actually working in their offices at the moment.  Also, there’s the fact that employers don’t want their employees playing games at work anyway, but of course that’s the whole point of the Office Olympics.  If anything, perhaps you can play some of these at home and pretend you’re an Olympic athlete.

In this episode, Jim discovers papers on Oscar’s desk which serve as a scoreboard of games Oscar and Kevin have played for the last two years.  While Michael and Dwight are away to close on Michael’s new condo, and with Jim bored from working on the expense reports, he and Pam organize a series of games to resemble Olympic events.  They give out medals made out of yogurt lids, although Pam points out that the bronze medals are really blue, and are the back side of the gold lids.  Here’s a recap of the events of the Office Olympics:

Opening Ceremonies.  Some of the actual events listed below occurred before the opening ceremonies, but it’s only logical to list this one first.  Pam hangs a banner which officially recognizes the 1^st Dunder Mifflin Olympiad.  Jim lights a scented candle and declares, “This scented candle which I found in the men’s bathroom represents the eternal burning of competition or something.”  Kevin replies, “It smells like cookies.”

HORSE.  Perhaps also known as Skeet Schruting, this is an indoor variant of the basketball game known as HORSE. We originally see Jim and Pam play this game by attempting to shoot paper wads into Dwight’s mug from Pam’s desk. In a deleted scene, Jim suggests Schruteball as the name, while Pam calls it Skeet Schruting.  We later see Stanley and Phyllis playing this game as well (or at least some variation of it; it’s hard to tell if they’re trying to shoot paper wads into Dwight’s mug, but we can tell that they are at least playing some version of HORSE).  While we don’t see the final result of this competition, Jim announces that Stanley has H-O-R and Phyllis has H-O.

Hateball.  This is a game played by Oscar and Kevin, consisting of flicking a paper triangle football and hitting things with it.  According to Kevin, the game is called Hateball because of how much Angela hates it.

Dunderball.  Toby and Jim play this game in the annex.  The setup of this game requires a strip of tape on the wall between two cubicles.  Two contestants sit in two adjacent cubicles.  One person bounces a ball off the wall on their side of the tape to the other cubicle, while the other person is supposed to catch it and bounce it back.

Work Hard So My Kids Can Go to College.  Although this is not an official Office Olympics event, this is a game that Stanley says that he plays.  Although, he also took a break from this one to play HORSE with Phyllis, so I’m not quite sure what to make of that.

Flonkerton.  Perhaps the most memorable Office Olympics event, Flonkerton, named by Pam, is described as the Icelandic event of “Box of Paper Snowshoe Racing.”  We see Phyllis winning the gold medal over Kevin in an exciting finish.

Who Can Put the Most M&Ms in Your Mouth.  Kevin wins the gold medal uncontested in this event by pouring a jar of M&Ms in his mouth.  Jim declares Kevin the winner by saying, “No one else should even try!”

Pam Pong.  This is not an official Office Olympics event, although it’s a game that Angela plays.  This game consists of her counting the number of times Jim gets up from his desk to walk over to reception to talk to Pam.  I’m sure that if this were an official event, Angela would have gotten a gold medal.

Elevator Guessing.  I’m not sure what the official name of this event is, but we do see Ryan win a gold medal for correctly guessing that a certain Vance Refrigeration employee would be the next person to come out the elevator doors.  Later, we see Ryan throw away his yogurt lid which represented a gold medal, as it had no sentimental value to him.

Stapler Tennis.  Jim suggested this as an example when asking Phyllis for ideas for any games she had.  Okay, this suggestion occurred in a deleted scene and was never actually played, but I’m counting it.

Coffee Racing.  I cannot vouch for the official name of this event, but we see Toby and Oscar racing around a cluster of desks, each carefully holding a full cup of coffee and trying to beat the previous record of 1 minute and 15 seconds.  Unfortunately, the final race was interrupted by Michael and Dwight’s return to the office.  This caused everyone to abandon the race and return to work, and Dwight to confiscate his stopwatch from Jim.

Condo Closing.  This episode also features Michael closing on his condo, with Dwight along for the ride as his associate.  This earns Michael a gold medal at the closing ceremonies, with Dwight getting the silver, and Jim giving himself the bronze for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Closing Ceremonies.  The episode concludes with the presentation of the medals for the closing of the condo, as Michael, Dwight, and Jim stand on stacks of paper representing podiums.  Incidentally, in a real medal ceremony, Dwight as the silver medalist should be standing to Michael’s right, and Jim as the bronze medalist standing to his left.  However, they have this switched.  Pam plays the national anthem on her iPod, and when Michael questions why, Jim tells him, “Because your condo’s in America.”  The ceremony also features paper doves.  It serves as a feel-good moment to end the episode as we see Michael become emotional and genuinely appreciate the ceremony.

Feel free to play these games with someone else at home, or at least as many of them as are feasible.  Of course, not all of these games may be feasible to do, especially if you don’t have an elevator at home or if you are not closing on a condo within the next two weeks.  Also, once everything goes back to normal (assuming it does at some point) and you find yourself in an office environment again, feel free to try these games in the office.  Since the Olympics are two weeks long, you can even stretch it out over a two-week period.  Here’s a suggested Office Olympics schedule for you:

• Week 1, Monday:  Opening Ceremonies
• Week 1, Tuesday: HORSE
• Week 1, Wednesday: Hateball
• Week 1, Thursday: Dunderball
• Week 1, Friday: Flonkerton
• Week 2, Monday: Who Can Put the Most M&Ms in Your Mouth
• Week 2, Tuesday: Elevator Guessing
• Week 2, Wednesday: Stapler Tennis
• Week 2, Thursday: Coffee Racing
• Week 2, Friday: Closing Ceremonies

Alternate game for any days when the presence of managers cause participation in an Olympic event to be unrealistic:  Work Hard So My Kids Can Go to College

By the way, if anyone from work is reading this, no, I am not advocating wasting time at our work.  Of course not.  Just other people wasting time at their places of work.  Also, this comes with the understanding that playing games at work comes at your own risk.  I absolve myself of any responsibility if you actually take these suggestions, play games at work, and get in trouble for it.

I wish the real Olympics were on.  But since they’re not, we always have the Office Olympics, courtesy of Dunder Mifflin.