In our current era of the coronavirus pandemic, one of the most bewildering things in our America culture has been the sudden shortage of toilet paper in stores. With that in mind, a friend recently suggested to me that we had to have a parody song of Paula Cole’s 1996 hit, “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?” titled, “Where’s the Toilet Paper Gone?” I took that idea and ran with it.

I know that there been other coronavirus parody songs that have come out recently, and you may have seen such songs on YouTube in your spare time. Well, I can take a crack at writing song parodies too. So I wrote this song, “Where’s the Toilet Paper Gone?” Although, there’s no music video of this here – just the lyrics. Perhaps I can get someone to produce the music video to this later, but I will definitely not be the one performing it. Dibs on the rights to it though.

The lyric video to the original Paula Cole song is also included at the bottom, in case you need a frame of reference. Feel free to sing along with the NEW words. In the meantime, without further adieu, this one goes out to everyone who is stressing out about their toilet paper supply.

"Where's the Toilet Paper Gone?"

Oh why don’t you stand back please
I’m feeling like I could sneeze
I hope I don’t have COVID-19
Take shelter at home indoors
Though it means that you’re bored
It’s the weirdest time that we've ever seen

I'll go buy the groceries
You go wash your hands
Where is the NBA?
Where is the high school prom?
Where are the social gatherings?
Where's the toilet paper gone?

Stay home and watch some Netflix
Like The Office Season 6
Don’t hang with groups of more than ten
I don’t know what’s coming next
But let’s make sure we don’t infect
The at-risk older women and men

I'll stay and work from home
You wash your hands again
Where is the NBA?
Where is the high school prom?
Where are the social gatherings?
Where's the toilet paper gone?

I am wearing my Easter best today
But you don't, but you don't even see me
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes

Travel is restricted as we
We keep our social distance
I feel like I’m going insane
More pandemic news reports
But we can’t watch any sports
While all the jobs go down the drain

I'll go buy more groceries
You don't touch your face
Where is the NBA?
Where is the high school prom?
Where are the social gatherings?
Where's the toilet paper gone?

Where are those Charmin bears?
Cottonelle or Quilted Northern
I'll even take generic brand
But where's the toilet paper gone?
Where's the toilet paper gone?
Where's the toilet paper gone?